WHEN NEWS OF MARS’S WATER BROKE..
The reported signs of water on Mars has led to fountains of joy erupting across the globe.
In India and outside of social media, the 5 am and 12 midnight firecrackers otherwise meant to wake up toddlers and ailing senior citizens during Diwali and Ganpati festivals, lit up Earth’s sky as news of Mars’s water broke.
The Ministry of External Affairs went into overdrive, looking pretty spaced-out though.
How could a planet highjack attention from the Great Leader who had just concluded his meeting with the Zuck? The thing had actually dropped out of the sky – and that too from a planet that had chosen to be red when it could have been saffron.
The Great Leader however was nonplussed. Outer space begone, this could be turned into a gimmick in the social media space.
Loosening his sweaty grip and jaado jhappi on Zuck and deploying the full force of nasal passage, he intoned, “It is auspicious. This discovery on Mars coincides with my rediscovery of Mar(k)s.”
On cue, the crowd of 43 NRIs, photo-shopped to look four million, chanted NaMo, NaMo across made-in-China TV screens worldwide. The photoshopper wanted to include a few Martians in the crowd too, but decided otherwise because those darned Martians look green.
NaMo paused, stared into the cameras, wiped three branded tears on his Crocodile kurta and promptly told his team to cancel all forthcoming 18 foreign trips. “I want to go to Mars,” he announced, adding softly from the side of his mouth, “before the Patels get there.”
His crack social media team swung into action, launching (faster than ISRO could say Mangalyaan) the twitter handle NaMoMa (NaMo on Mars). The Great Leader has since then tweeted that part of the funds of the Clean Great River campaign will now to diverted to cleaning up the percholate-y, briny stuff passing off as water on Mars.
He has followed that up with another tweet: Not just funds, but H2O too will be diverted from the Great River to water the slopes of Mars.
The Make in India team has gone into overdrive as well. A crack team has been assembled to build a pipe to carry the water that will go from India to Mars. The pipe, cheap and hardy as all good desi products are, will come from the godown of Indian Pipe Dreams Co.
Congress, on the other hand, is up in arms. Its spokesperson, has just made a daring revelation that the Grand Old Party was the first to discover life on Mars. The Cong spokesperson declared that when the party’s heir apparent RaGa had disappeared and everyone knew not where, he had actually gone to Mars.
Twist in the tale: A revered saint from hinterland has poured water over everyone’s plans.
Mars, he says, is Shani. Which brings bad luck. “Mars jaogey to mar jaogey,” he has warned.
Last heard, our own DeFa has banned the use of the word Mars from all conversations.
In sharp contrast, the local alliance partner of this bad political marriage which also heads the BMC , has moved a resolution to rename Mars.
Meanwhile, NaMo’s teams are busy preparing visa documents for other available ‘auspicious’ planets.
RaGo has asked his distribution team to check if TiNo network will be available in Mars too.